Sport Jokes — worst jokes

TOP 10 REASONS SOCCER IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. BALLS ARE ALWAYS CHECKED FOR FIRMNESS
11. PERIODS ONLY LAST 45 MINUTES
12. PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
13. SOCCER IS A LEGAL PROFESSION
14. PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT CAN BE WASHED AND REUSED
15. SIZE DOESN'T MATTER
16. IF YOU GET TOO ROUGH YOU GET A RED CARD
17. YOU CAN SCORE USING YOUR HEAD OR YOUR FEET
18. LASTS A FULL 90 MINUTES
19. YOU CAN JUGGLE YOUR BALLS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER

There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go flying off in different directions.

The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."

The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends."

The Air Force guy says "Let me see what else survived this wreck." So he pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship."

The Swabbie says, "You're right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, "Your turn!"

The ARMY guy sucks down a third and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy. The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, "I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

TOP 10 REASONS BASKETBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. BALL MOVEMENT IS KEY
11. YOU CAN SET IT UP OR GO FOR THE FASTBREAK
12. IF YOU NEED A BREAK, YOU CAN CALL A 20 SECOND TIMEOUT
13. THERE IS A COACH TELLING YOU WHEN TO "TAKE IT TO THE HOLE"
14. BEING DOUBLE-TEAMED IS COMMON
15. YOU CAN PASS IT OFF, SO YOUR BUDDY CAN SCORE
16. IF SCOUTS LIKE YOUR PERFORMANCE, YOU TURN PRO
17. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DONE WHEN THE HORN SOUNDS
18. YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SCORE WITHIN 24 SECONDS
19. THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WITH A TOWEL TO CLEAN UP ANY WET SPOTS

Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?

• Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
• If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
• If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
• If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
• He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
• He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
• If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
• If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
• He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
• Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
• If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
• He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
• While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.
• This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it? However...

• If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?
→ So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather?
→ He's got bugs on his teeth.

Why type of lightning likes to play sports?
→ Ball lightning

What is the most popular sport played by raindrops and hail stones?
→ Diving

Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."

Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?
→ To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail