Doctor Jokes

- Doctor Sawbones speaking.

- Oh, doctor, my girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three or four weeks' time?

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
→ With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

- There's something wrong with my hot dogs.

- Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterinarian.

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him:

- Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.

Steve says:

- Will that keep me from getting sick?

The doctor says:

- No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.

Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire?
→ It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then?'!

- Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.

- Drink this glass of water.

- Will it make me better?

- No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?
→ He wanted to improve his bite.

What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire?
→ It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, "Who's a pretty boy then?"

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.

- Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from? - asked the psychiatrist.

- As a matter of fact, I do - said the patient.

- And when does this happen? - asked the psychiatrist.

- Oh - said the patient:

- when I answer the telephone.

- Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I?

- Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out.