Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

TOP 10 REASONS SOCCER IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. BALLS ARE ALWAYS CHECKED FOR FIRMNESS
11. PERIODS ONLY LAST 45 MINUTES
12. PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
13. SOCCER IS A LEGAL PROFESSION
14. PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT CAN BE WASHED AND REUSED
15. SIZE DOESN'T MATTER
16. IF YOU GET TOO ROUGH YOU GET A RED CARD
17. YOU CAN SCORE USING YOUR HEAD OR YOUR FEET
18. LASTS A FULL 90 MINUTES
19. YOU CAN JUGGLE YOUR BALLS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER

TOP 10 REASONS BASKETBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. BALL MOVEMENT IS KEY
11. YOU CAN SET IT UP OR GO FOR THE FASTBREAK
12. IF YOU NEED A BREAK, YOU CAN CALL A 20 SECOND TIMEOUT
13. THERE IS A COACH TELLING YOU WHEN TO "TAKE IT TO THE HOLE"
14. BEING DOUBLE-TEAMED IS COMMON
15. YOU CAN PASS IT OFF, SO YOUR BUDDY CAN SCORE
16. IF SCOUTS LIKE YOUR PERFORMANCE, YOU TURN PRO
17. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DONE WHEN THE HORN SOUNDS
18. YOU ALWAYS TRY TO SCORE WITHIN 24 SECONDS
19. THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WITH A TOWEL TO CLEAN UP ANY WET SPOTS

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
→ A pool table.

TOP 10 REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. YOU GO IN 1-2 MINUTE SHIFTS
11. THE PUCK IS ALWAYS HARD
12. THE PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT IS REUSABLE
13. IT LASTS A FULL HOUR
14. YOU KNOW YOU ARE FINISHED WHEN THE BUZZER SOUNDS
15. YOUR PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
16. A 2 ON 1 OR 3 ON 1 IS NOT UNCOMMON
17. IT IS LEGAL TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY
18. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK
19. PERIODS ONLY LAST 20 MINUTES

Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
→ Because she found out what the big boys eat.

What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
→ When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?

• Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
• If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
• If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
• If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
• He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
• He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
• If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
• If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
• He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
• Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
• If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
• He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
• While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.
• This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it? However...

• If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan," the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet."

TOP 10 REASONS BASEBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. IT IS LEGAL TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY
11. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK
12. YOU HAVE A COACH TO TELL YOU WHEN TO ADVANCE
13. WHEN YOU ARE TIRED, YOU ALWAYS GET RELIEVED
14. IF YOU STRIKE OUT ONCE, YOU STILL HAVE AT LEAST 2 MORE TIMES TO GET A HIT
15. UP TO 4 PEOPLE CAN SCORE AT ONCE
16. POP UPS ARE FREQUENT
17. 30,000 PEOPLE CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
18. AFTER 7 INNINGS, YOU GET TO STRETCH
19. YOU CAN GET A HOMERUN WITHOUT ANY FOREPLAY