Women Jokes

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying, she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."

So that's what Joe did.

The next day at the bar, his buddy said, "Well, did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!!"

Finally, something other than smiley faces....

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A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish." Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.

I finally found a woman like my mom. This woman:Acts like her! Looks like her! Smells like her!

So i took her home my father doesn't like her!?!!

10 things men know about women:-------------------------------1:2:3:4:5:6:7:8:9:10: They have tits

Why did the women cross the road?

Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?!!!

Why are women such bad drivers?

Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.

10. Cats' facial expressions.9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.8) Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.7) ?

Fat? clothes.6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.3) Eyelash curlers.2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.1) Other women.

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together." A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?" "I mean her legs!"