Ethnic

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one?
→ By her suntan!

What does an Australian witch ride on?
→ A broomerang!

Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's it like?" The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."

What is a Mexican weather report?
→ Chilli today, hot tamale.

Two Yanks touring London in a taxi. What is that asked one of the Yank's. Why that is Buckingham Palace answered the taxi driver. Well you should see the states we have much bigger houses over there, and that. That is the Post Office Tower. Oh our towers are much bigger. This went on for much of the day until they went past a another building. Our buildings are much bigger than that one too. I thought it might be said the taxi driver, That is the mental institute

A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant:

- Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?

- Ay, straight on, sir - said the rustic.

- but no need to hurry. He's dead.

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide:

- How large is the population here?

- Around 1.5 billion - the guide answers

American, After a short pause:

- So, what else do you do here?

A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces:

- Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks:

- Esther, did we pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?

- No Morris! - she responded.

Morris smiles, then asks:

- Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?

- Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!

Now Morris laughs.

- One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?

- Oy Morris I forgot that one too!

Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris:

- So what are you smiling and laughing about?

Morris responds:

- They'll find us.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab:

- They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

- And what's so funny?!? - the New Yorker demands.

- Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food.

How do Iranians speak on the telephone?
→ Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).