Bar Jokes

A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, "I am a hurricane induced tornado".

A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice.
Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink - ordering a Tornado on the rocks.
This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane.
The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says:

- Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas.

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks:

- What would you like?

the fish says holding his neck:

- Water.

Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon, but they left after a few minutes?
→ You see, it had no atmosphere!

Where do Martians drink beer?
→ At a mars bar!

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

- Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir? - he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says:

- What'll it be?

The man replies:

- Give me a Stoli with a twist.

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says:

- Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . .

Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says:

- We don't serve Republicans here.

The Republicans say:

- That's OK... We don't serve you either.

An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of attmittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harrassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentelman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
→ At the circus the clowns don't talk.

- I think you've had enough, sir.

- I just lost my wife, buddy!

- Well, it must be hard losing a wife....

- It was almost impossible!