Travel Jokes — worst jokes

For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

"Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"

• Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
• Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
• Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
• Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
• Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
• Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
• Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
• Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
• Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
• Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
• Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
• Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
• Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
• Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
• Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
• Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
• Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
• Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
• Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
• Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.
• Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
• Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
• Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
• Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.
• Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.
• Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.
• Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.
• Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
• Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
• Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
• Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
• Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000 Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000 Rps and put his hand out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly "Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied "Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!

Once a couple were on vacation. The husband was lying on the beach facing downwards on his stomach & the wife was patting him on his butt. He happened to ask her what she was doing, she said "I`m playing the Tabla" He turned around & told her "Alright now you can start playing the flute".

It only rains twice a year in Seattle:
August through April and May through July.

- How did you find the weather on your vacation?

- I just went outside and there it was!

If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can't see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

What happens when the fog lifts in California?
→ UCLA.

How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier, it's going to rain. If not, it already is.