Medicine

Why do witches have stiff joints?
→ They get broomatism!

What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites?
→ Don't bite any witches!

Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.

What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called?
→ Hurricanes with cataracts

What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
→ Elkaseltzer.

What did the emu say to the nurse?
→ Mend her bones or walk the plank

What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
→ A chameleon on a tartan rug!

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him:

- Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.

Steve says:

- Will that keep me from getting sick?

The doctor says:

- No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.

What does a vampire take for a cold?
→ Coffin syrup!

Why did the vampire go to hospital?
→ He wanted his ghoulstones removed.