Christmas Jokes — worst jokes

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
11. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
12. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
13. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
14. Family coming to stay with you
15. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
16. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
17. Days off from work
18. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation,
Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation.
The stockings were hung on the wall with great care,
Next to some T-shirts and old underwear.
I was working the night shift compiling stats,
Answering the phone, and feeding the rat.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter!
I opened the door with a creak and a crick,
And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick.
I had seen his picture a time or two,
He was wanted: Article 27 - Section 342.
I threw open the door and commanded him "Freeze!"

"Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees."
But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew,
With me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew.
When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh,
Throwing down toys and blocking my way.
As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack,
I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back.
To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank,
And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank.
"On Dasher, on Dancer!", he cried loud and clear.

Then I got off three rounds and dropped the lead deer.
And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue,
"Merry Christmas to all!
My Lawyers will sue!"

They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day! (Phyllis Diller)

You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
→ No. They can't afford the admission.

What type of wind is named after Santa Claus's warm climate cousin?
→ Santa Ana

- What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement?

- I don't know.

- A reindeer!

- What about the cement?

- I just threw that in to make it hard.

What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
→ Isaiah!

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
→ They're both brown, except the snowball.