Ethnic — worst jokes

What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.

Q: What do the Chinese call a 69????

A: Two can chew!!

Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?

He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?he only had 2 cars.

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeingtour with a very rich African king who was a very importantclient. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretaryis quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way todissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry youunder three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-caratdiamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."

The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "Noproblem!! I have. I have."

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "Iwant you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, Iwant a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."

The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone andcalls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nodshis head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build." Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows thatshe'd better make this a good one. She takes her time tothink and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squintsher eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, Iwant the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and restshis elbows on the table, all the while muttering in Africandialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, lookingreally sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. Icut."

Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________Address (where you live):Mother's name(list also relation, i.e., sister):__________________Birthdate(yours):____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies?__________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name:__________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is your wife: 50 IQ Points( ) 75 IQ Points( ) 100 IQ Points( ) She Won't Tell Me( )Does your wife wear: A Dress( ) Pants( ) Hot Pants( ) Your Pants( ) Them Lawyer Clothes( ) Nothing( ) Nothing but an Arkansas U Hog Head Hat( )Color of wife's hair: Blonde( ) Red( ) Brown( ) Black( ) Bald( )Did you understand the previous questions: Yes( ) No( ) What does "previous" mean?( ) Huh?( ) All of the Above( )Have you ever had: Herpes( ) Jock Rot( ) The Drip( ) Roids( ) Zits( )(Check all that Smelly Feet( ) Toe Jam( ) Bad Breath( ) Tit Munge( ) apply) Ear Wax( ) Long Nasal Hairs( ) Brown Nose( )Have you ever: Castrated a Pig( ) Been Castrated by a Pig( ) Danced to Achey Breaky Heart( ) Had an Achey Breaky Heart( ) Been Mistaken for Elvis( ) Had Fantasies about Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Dorothy and Toto( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan( ) Had Fantasies about Gilligan and the Skipper Too( ) Inhaled( )Where was your last Elvis sighting?________________ On what date?___________Can you count past five: Yes( ) No( ) Past ten: Yes( ) No( )Explain in ten words or less why on Earth you want to be Governor of Arkansas:Signature (or 'X' if you can't write)________________________________

State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ () Billy-Bob (last) () Billy-Joe () Billy-Ray () Billy-Sue () Billy-Mae () Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: () Farmer () Mechanic () Hair Dresser () Un-employed Spouse's Name: Relationship with spouse: () Sister () Brother () Aunt () Uncle () Cousin () Mother () Father () Son () Daughter () Pet Number of children living in household: _ Number that are yours: _ Mother's Name: Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) _ Total number of vehicles you own _ Number of vehicles that still crank _ Number of vehicles in front yard _ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? () Yes () No; please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: () The National Enquirer () The Globe () TV Guide () Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun _ Number of times you've seen a UFO _ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: ()Weekly ()Monthly ()Not Applicable Color of teeth: ()Yellow ()Brownish-Yellow ()Brown ()Black ()N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: ()Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? ()1 mile ()2 miles ()don't know

A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of serviceby sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.

When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying onthe bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that thepresident of the board arranged for you."

The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of theTemple Board and says, "Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's yourrespect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with youand you have not heard the end of this."

The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her andsays, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum"The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians"The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire"...and so on and so on and then the Greek says: "We invented sex"The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians whointroduced it to women."