Blonde Jokes

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro asks her what she wants.

- I can't find any green golf balls - the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her:

- Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?

- Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself:

- It's not a ship.

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks:

- It's not a boat.

The speck gets even closer and he thinks:

- It's not a raft.

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says:

- How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?

- Ten years! - he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says:

- Man, oh man! Is that good!

Then she asked:

- How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?

He replies:

- Ten years!

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says:

- Wow, that's fantastic!

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him:

- And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?

And the man replies:

- Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!

Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
→ A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head.

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?
→ A fair cop.

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?
→ A fair cop.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.

The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.

The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says:

- meow - the cop says:

- oh, its only a cat

He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says:

- woof, woof - the cop says:

- its only a dog.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says:

- potato

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned:

- I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers:

- That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

The policeman says:

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says:

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!

The policeman angrily responds:

- What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds:

- ...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says:

- Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses.

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

- Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

- Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

- That's easy - the blonde replied.

- He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff:

- I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions:

- Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?

The officer replied:

- Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there.

She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said:

- Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?

The blonde replied:

- Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!