Random joke from this category
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, "Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?"
"Worse," says the doctor. "It's frostbite!"
This man is waiting for his wife to deliver his first child. When the doctor comes out of the operating room, he comes up to him and asks to see his wife and baby.
- I have something to tell you... Your baby has got no legs...
- Oh... I guess it's still my son. Let me see it.
- He's got no arms either...
- That bad, uh? I have to see it!
- And he's got no trunk either... No head... Actually, it's only an ear...
- ... He's still my son, take me to him now.
Then they go in a sterile room where a nurse carries in a cradle with a huge ear in it.
- My son!!! Flesh of my flesh!!! Blood of my blood!!!
- Louder...he's deaf too!!!
Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.
"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God!"
"Really?," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!"
What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
→ Having your dentist tell you!
Dr. Dave's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
Dentist begging the patient:
- Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
- Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
- There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!
What do you call a depressed dentist?
→ A little down in the mouth.
A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.
"Aha, cavity! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist.
"Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady.
"In that case, I will have to adjust the chair first" replies the dentist.
- I have some bad news and some very bad news.
- Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
- The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
- 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
- I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
