Medicine — worst jokes

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

- Doctor: What was the problem?

- Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand... nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand... nothing. Her left hand... nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth.... still nothing.

- Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!

- Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
→ A quarter-pounder with cheese.

The five most constipated people in the Bible:

1. Cain-who wasn't able.
2. King Solomon-who sat on the throne for forty years.
3. King David-who neither Heaven nor Earth could move.
4. Moses-who took two tablets and went up into the mountains.
5. Noah-who spent 40 days and 40 nights on the ark and passed nothing but water.