Medicine — most viewed jokes

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
→ You can unscrew a light bulb!

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
→ A quarter-pounder with cheese.

The five most constipated people in the Bible:

1. Cain-who wasn't able.
2. King Solomon-who sat on the throne for forty years.
3. King David-who neither Heaven nor Earth could move.
4. Moses-who took two tablets and went up into the mountains.
5. Noah-who spent 40 days and 40 nights on the ark and passed nothing but water.

What's the definition of AIDS?
→ Anally Injected Death Sentence.

Why did the nurse go to art school?
→ To learn how to draw blood!

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
→ The taste.

I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they're out of there.

Charlie Viracola

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:

General Practitioners know nothing and do little.

Surgeons know little and do everything.

Internists know everything and do nothing.

Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.