Random joke from this category
A man goes into the optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected short sightedness. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying "What's that up there?".
The man replied "why.. that's the sun...!".
On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see sir!"
How does the brain communicate with the nerves?
→ With a Cell phone!
I took one of those viagra tablets the other day, it got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck for about eight hours!
I was in las Vegas, when a man walked up to me and "sir do you have a extra $20.00, my wife needs an operation that costs $1000.00. I have $980.00 and just need the last $20.00"
Well I thought about, when I ask the man, how will I know that you are going to walk into that casino and gamble it away.
Well the man replied "No sir... I have money for gambling."
A young lady is in the hospital for an operation.
She says, "Doc, how long after my operation will I have to wait until I can have sex again?"
He says, "You know, Miss Stukowski, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy!"
Did you here Mr. Clean is in the hospital? He has ammonia.
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course," replied the patient... "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
What did the gynocologist say to his wife when he got home?
I'm Bushed!
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection.
The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm gagging for it", gets atop the man and has her way with it.
The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same.
They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply "He's dead anyway, he'll no bother". The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.
Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him "We thought you were dead!", and the man replies,"After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!".
An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun."
So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in its chest.
"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.
"Exactly," replies the Doc.
