Medicine — worst jokes

- My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

- A shoebox?

- Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

- Tell me about your problem.

- I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!!!

- I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?

- Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.

- Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!

- So, since when did you have this problem?

- What problem?

- Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?

- What pills?

- Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Not really. It will just seem longer.

- Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

- Tell him I can't see him now. Next!

- Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

- What does he call his other eye?

- Doctor, should I file my nails?

- No, throw them away like everybody else.

- My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in aluminum foil, what's wrong with me?

- You have far too much free time!