Medicine — worst jokes

- Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

- Doctor: How do you feel?

- Patient: A little down in the mouth.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

- Dentist: $100.00.

- Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

- Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel

- That's shocking!

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge

- What's come over you?

- Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm

- How boring for you!

- Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking

- Do you drink a lot?

- Not really - I spill most of it!

- Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.

- Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

- Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it?

- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!

- Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?

- Absolutely nothing!

- Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.

- I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!