Medicine — worst jokes

What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
→ Saturday Night Fever.

- Doctor, Doctor, you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.

- That's quite enough out of you!

How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
→ One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

- Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

- Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?

- Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

- John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

- Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

- Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.

- Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.