Worst jokes

Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he came out, Henderson noticed he'd locked the car and left the keys in the ignition.

He telephoned the dealer:

- Which is the cheapest window to break? - he asked.

- You don't have to break any of the windows - explained the dealer.

- I'll come right down with another key and we can open it together.

- No, no! - shouted the new car owner.

- I gotta know now! It's about to rain and I wanna put the top up!

An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.

- I thought I told you to go to the end of the line - barked the NCO.

- Why did you come back?

- Because there's already somebody there!

Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.

- Why don't you mend the roof? - asked Barton.

- I can't today - Pennock replied.

- It's pouring rain.

- Well, why don't you patch it in dry weather.

- It don't leak then!

Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole.

A man passing by yelled up to them:

- Why don't you guys just take down the pole, lay it down on the ground and measure it?

- We don't wanna measure the length, mister! - Wyatt sneered.

- We wanna measure the height!

Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn't. One day his neighbor Nibley could stand no more.

- Do you realize - asked Nibley - that you and I know all there is to be known?

- Do you really think so? - said Chaffee.

- How do you figure that?

- Easy - answered Nibley.

- You know everything except that you're a damn idiot. And I know that!

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked:

- Have your eyes ever been checked?

- No, - said the worker.

- They've always been brown.

Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater.

Rigby rushed up to the box office and said:

- Gimme two tickets for tonight's show.

- Sorry, - said the box office attendant.

- There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left.

- Well, I'll be hog tied! Only two left in standing room! - said the farm boy.

- Are they together?

Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham at a Tus-caloosa ballroom.

They danced every dance together. When the evening was over, he asked if he could see her next time he was in town.

- Yes, - replied Patricia Ann shyly.

The young man hurriedly took out his pad and pencil and asked:

- What's your number?

- CApitol 4-6173.

After a long embarrassed pause, Duayne asked:

- How do yew make a capital 4?

Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit.

- Hey, Cole! - said Edney.

- See those two wires?

- Sure, - Cole answered.

- Now just grab one of them.

Cole grabbed one of the wires.

- Feel anything? - asked his partner.

- Not a thing, - answered Cole.

- Good! - said Edney.

- Don't touch the other one or you'll drop dead!

- Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school?

- Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second.

- Delmer: Why didn't you stay?

- Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'