Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house.
- How much you gonna charge me? - asked Guidry.
- Twenty dollars an hour, - replied Plotke.
- Good Lord! - exclaimed the home owner.
- I wouldn't pay Michelangelo that price!
- I tell you one thing, mister, - said the painter.
- If that guy you mentioned is doin' the job for less, he ain't no member of our union!
Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing.
- File the beak just a little, - said the owner.
- and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die.
Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary.
- He died, - said Calvin.
- But I told you not to file the beak too much.
- I didn't, - explained Calvin.
- but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead.
Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it.
- What're you doin'? - asked his girlfriend.
- How come your shirt is soakin' wet?
- Well, - said Bradley.
- it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.
What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?
→ Four guys watching a baseball game.
Did you hear about the dimwit who went to visit his girlfriend and found she didn't have very much on?
He went back nine months later and she had a little moron.
Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress:
- Do you know whether the milk from this dairy is pasteurized?
- Sure is! - she answered.
- Every morning they turn the cows out to pasture.
- Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid?
- Jessie: Well, it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.
Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?
- Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look!
- Folsom: You couldn't be!
- Can you read Chinese?
- Yes, but only when it's printed in English.
