Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked:
- If you were a musician, who would you be?.
Chuck Norris said:
- I would be Motzart.
Jean Claud VanDam said:
- I would be Bethoven.
Arnold said:
- I'll be Bach!
You're momma so fat, she be sellin' shade!
You're momma so ugly, she walked down the street and got arrested for indecent exposure!
You're momma so old, her s*#t has wrinkles!
You're momma so stupid, she gave birth to you and asked the doctor if you were hers!
You're momma so poor, her idea of big spendin' is buyin' a gumball!
What happens when a frog parks illegaly?
→ It gets toad!
A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.
- Can I help you sir? - asked the shopkeeper.
Ah, yes... I want to buy a .44 Magnum please.
The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.
The man replies:
- I want to shoot cans!
What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.
The customer has enough and finally says:
- Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!
There once was an old man from Trent,
Whose penis was crooked and bent,
And so to save trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
Dave was a bit of a nut who enjoyed making obscene phone calls.
His biggest pleasure is making such calls to kindergarten teachers.
He'll find a lonely telephone booth, dial the number of a teacher, and exclaim:
- Is this Mrs. Jones, the kindergarten teacher at P.S. 41?
When the teacher answers yes, Dave goes into his act:
- Wee-ee, poo-poo ca-ca!
Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.
It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession.
The priest was shocked and could only say to Farmer Brown:
- Well, was the pig a male or a female?
- A female, of course - shouted Farmer Brown!
- What do you think I am...some sort of queer?
Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.
As Jesse entered the first car he yelled:
- Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!
Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said:
- ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?
With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says:
- Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!
And then there's little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door.
Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad.
Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims:
- Hah!, they got nerve...they sent "ME" to the doctor for sucking my thumb!
The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.
Little Johnny pipes up and says:
- I know teacher!
Number One: It's fresh.
Number Two: It's nutritious.
Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.
And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!
