Clean Jokes — most viewed jokes

Who is the most famous French ant?
→ Napoleant!

Who stole the sheets from the bed?
→ Bed buglars.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because it was a double-crosser.

Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
→ To take over the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide.

Why did the chicken cross the beach?
→ To get to the other tide.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

- First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you?

- Second apple: Worms, I think.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
→ It's Christmas, Eve!

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
→ Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
→ The letter "D"!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
→ Santa Claustrophobia!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
→ Black mail!

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
→ Santa Paws!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
→ Because it soots him!

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
→ Elephanta Claus!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
→ Stacks!

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
→ Because he's Sooty!

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
→ A catastrophe!

Who was the most powerful cat in China?
→ Chairman Miaow!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?
→ A cat-a-logue!

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
→ An octopuss!

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
→ Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

When the cat's away.....?
→ The house smells better!

Why was the cat so small?
→ Because it only ate condensed milk!

Why did the cat cross the road?
→ It was the chicken's day off!

Why did the owl, owl?
→ Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot!

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
→ The parrots of Penzance!

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
→ A firequaker!

What is a parrot's favorite game?
→ Hide and Speak!

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
→ Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
→ 'The pheasants are revolting'!

What is the definition of Robin?
→ A bird who steals!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
→ When they're going cheap!

Why did the ant-elope?
→ Nobody gnu!

What looks like half a cat?
→ The other half!

What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
→ 'Claws.'

If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?
→ A stri-ped!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
→ A stripey sweater!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
→ 'Pleased to eat you.'!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
→ Frostbite!

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
→ 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

What is lion's favorite food?
→ Baked beings!

How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
→ He has cat-arrh!

What is cleverer than a talking cat?
→ A spelling bee!

How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
→ They never cry over spilt milk!

What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla?
→ An animal that puts you out a night!

What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo?
→ A stripey jumper!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
→ A sourpuss!

How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
→ They both wear stripes!