Clean Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Baby Owl.

- Baby Owl who?

- Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
→ Santa Clues!

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
→ Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
→ Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
→ Santapplause!

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
→ Santa Jaws!

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
→ Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
→ Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

What does Father Christmas call his money?
→ Iced lolly?

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
→ Santa pause!

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
→ A frog with hiccups!

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?
→ Sleep in the wardrobe.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wenceslas

- Wenceslas who?

- Wenceslas train home?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Snow

- Snow who?

- Snow business like show business!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wayne

- Wayne who?

- Wayne in a manger...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Donut

- Donut who?

- Donut open till Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Oakham

- Oakham who?

- Oakham all ye faithfull...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avery

- Avery who?

- Avery merry Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Holly

- Holly who?

- Holly-days are here again!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Rudolph

- Rudolph who?

- Money is the Rudolph of all evil!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Igloo

- Igloo who?

- Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Mary

- Mary who?

- Mary Christmas!

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
→ Discordant!

What do owls sing when it is raining?
→ 'Too wet to woo'!

What do baby swans dance to?
→ Cygnet-ure-tunes!

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
→ Birds of prey!

What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
→ Tweetie Pie!

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
→ Jail-birds!

How do you get a cut-price parrot?
→ Plant bird seed!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
→ Because they're both full of stuffing!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
→ Fowl play!

What happens when ducks fly upside down?
→ They quack up!

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off?
→ It was a vicious cycle.

How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
→ Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!

Which birds steal soap from the bath?
→ Robber ducks!

What kind of bird opens doors?
→ A kiwi!

What language do birds speak?
→ Pigeon English!

How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
→ Send him to polytechnic!

Where do birds invest their money?
→ In the stork market!

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
→ A bird that talks in morse code!

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
→ A headbanger!

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
→ A bird who knocks before delivering its message!

What do you call a very rude bird?
→ A mockingbird!

Where do birds meet for coffee?
→ In a nest-cafe!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
→ With it's sparrowchute!

What is green and pecks on trees?
→ Woody Wood Pickle!

What happened when the owl lost his voice?
→ He didn't give a hoot!

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
→ A Macaw!

What do you call a bird that lives underground?
→ A mynah bird!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
→ A great walkie-talkie!