Celebrities — most viewed jokes

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
→ One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

What's black and white and comes in little cans?
→ Michael Jackson

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
→ A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?

Here's a lame one....

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
→ Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!

Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
→ Because she found out what the big boys eat.

What would Princess Diana be doing right now if she were alive today?
→ Scratching on the lid of her casket.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day! (Phyllis Diller)

George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems.

"Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college."

"It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."

Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas! (Johnny Carson)

Stick your tongue out.

Move it up and down.

Relax.

Now move it left and right.

Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.