Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said:

- You'll have to wait.

- But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now.

- Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.

- Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room.

So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over, staggers to the door, and knocks.

- Go away! - says the madam.

- We don't allow drunks in here!

- I don't want in - says the drunk.

- I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down.

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.

He says:

- Doc, I think I'm impotent.

Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry or become upset about it, but should just relax and things will probably be completely fine and blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks:

- When did you first begin to think you were impotent?

- Three times last night, and again this morning.

Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
→ Because she found out what the big boys eat.

Have you heard about the new Mechanical Whore?
→ She gives a licking and keeps on ticking.

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse.

Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly -- inquires:

- Tickle your ass with a feather?

The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard -- exclaims:

- What?!

Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats:

- Typical nasty weather?

- Oh - she demures.

- Yes - and goes on her way.

More young lovelies walk by and the scene is repeated.

- Tickle your ass with a feather?

- What?

- Typical nasty weather?

Finally, Romeo delivers his line:

- Tickle your ass with a feather? and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room.

Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likely prospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out:

- Cram a feather up your ass?

Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to which he replies:

- Looks like rain!

A girl gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on one thigh and a turkey on the other. She wants to show that there is something good to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

What's the difference between true love and herpes?
→ Herpes lasts forever.

So one sperm says to the other:

- When do we get to the ovaries?

The other replies:

- Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while:

- Honey, your tits are too small, and your box is too tight.

- Get off my back, dear! - she replies.

What's another term for cunnilingus?
→ Genital Slurpees.