Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
→ You can unscrew a light bulb!

Why do women have legs?
→ Have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind!??

Whats the difference between pink and purple?
→ Your grip.

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, puree, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.

How to Satisfy a Man Every Time
Show up naked.

A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers.

- Oh darling! - she squeals with delight.

- Does that mean five times?

- No - says the old fellow.

- it means that you can pick one out.

10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay.

- Whatever makes you think THAT?!!? - says mom.

Timmy replies:

- Because his dick tasted like shit!

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out:

- Business trip or vacation?

She turned, smiled, and said:

- Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago.

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked:

- What's your business role at this convention?

- Lecturer - she responded. I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.

- Really - he said. What myths are those?

- Well - she explained. One popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

- Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.

- We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck.

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.

- I'm sorry - she said.

- I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name.

- Tonto - the man said.

- Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

- Tim, you be first, - she said. - What does your mother do all day?

Tim stood up and proudly said:

- She's a doctor.

- That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said:

- My father is a mailman.

- Thank you, Amie, - said the teacher. - What about your father, Billy?

Billy proudly stood up and announced:

- My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said:

- I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
→ Because she found out what the big boys eat.

What does ADIDAS stand for?
→ All Day I Dream About Sex.