Worst jokes

- Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without the ironing lady.

- Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

To a blonde, what is long and hard?
→ Grade 4.

When I take a long time
I am slow
When my boss takes a long time
He is thorough

When I don't do it
I am lazy
When my boss doesn't do it
He is too busy

When I do something without being told
I am trying to be smart
When my boss does the same
That is initiative

When I please my boss
I'm ass-kissing
When my boss pleases his boss
He's co-operating

When I do good
My boss never remembers
When I do wrong
He never forgets

What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?
→ They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
→ He knows who the ten men were.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said:

- Oh, look at the deer tracks.

The other blonde looks and says:

- Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.

- No. Those are deer tracks.

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...

- Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

- Indian: Dog no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey dog, how's it going?

- Dog: Doin' alright.

Indian: shows extreme look of shock

- Cowboy: Is this Indian your owner? (pointing at Indian)

- Dog: Yep

- Cowboy: How does he treat you?

- Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.

Indian: shows look of disbelief

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?

- Indian: Horse no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?

- Horse: Cool.

Indian: extreme look of shock

- Cowboy: Is this your owner? (pointing at Indian)

- Horse: Yep.

- Cowboy: How's he treat you?

- Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Indian: shows total look of amazement

- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

- Indian: Sheep Lie!

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

- Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

- Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said:

- Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.

- Oh, No! - she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

- Who was God's son? - said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said:

- Andy!

- That's interesting. . . What made you say that? - said Saint Peter.

Then She started to sing:

- Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me. . .

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks:

- Where did you get that?

→ The pig says:

- I won her in a raffle!