Worst jokes

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
→ A visitor.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
→ So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.

Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
→ She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
→ Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
→ Because she got an F in sex.

Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
→ It finally dawned on her.

On her way home a blonde drove past a sign that said:

- CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES.

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.

- How are you grandpa? - he asks.

- Feeling fine - says the old man.

- What's the food like?

- Terrific, wonderful menus.

- And the nursing?

- Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you.

- What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?

- No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light.

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge.

- What are you people doing - he says - I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?

- Oh, yes - replies the Sister.

- Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!

You might be a Redneck Jedi if...

- You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

- Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

- At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

- You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

- The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

- Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

- You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

- You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

- Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

- You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

- You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

- You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

- You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

- Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

- You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

- You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

- You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

- If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."