There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm.
The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'.
The doctor replied:
- No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they insult me!
Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world.
One physician says:
- Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!
The other doctor replied:
- Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.
- What's this? - she asked.
- Taste it - he replied.
- If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!
Did you hear about the doctor who had his license taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
→ Yup, it's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country!
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
→ She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift!
How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
→ Pull down their genes!
The Vancouver [British Columbia] Sun, Thursday, 18 March 1993, page A13 lead headline "United States"
"Hospital costs prove 40% less in Canada by Daniel Haney, AP Science writer
Washington - Hospitals cost almost 40 per cent more in the United States than in Canada, largely because [...]U.S. hospitals are more expensive, in part, because the cases they treat are 14 percent more complex. [Dr. Donald] Redelmeier, of Wellesley Hospital in Toronto, writing in the New England Journal of Medicine] said this reflects social differences between the two countries."
- Frostbite of the nose is not as expensive to treat as a shotgun wound to the belly - he said.
A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the checkup, the doctor tells the man he has bad news:
- You only have six months to live.
The man sits for a while thinking, and then says:
- There's only one thing I can do, I'm going to become a Communist.
The doctor asks:
- You've been a patriotic American all your life, why are you going to become a Communist now?
The man says:
- Better one of them should die than one of us!
A man speaks frantically into the phone:
- My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!
- Is this her first child? - the doctor queries.
- No, you idiot! - the man shouts.
- This is her husband!
The patient went to his doctor for a checkup, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing.
The patient put it in his pocket, but he forgot to have it filled. Every morning for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the baseball park, and once into the symphony.
He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from the boss. One day, he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music.
