Science — worst jokes

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer.

What do you call a tube with a degree?
→ A graduated cylinder.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
→ To win the no-bell prize.

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

What is an archaeologist?
→ Someone who's career is in ruins!

The Rocky Mountains are very big and far apart. It takes a long time for an echo to bounce back off one of these mountains.
One night, a camper in the Rockies went to sleep early.
But before climbing into his sleeping bag he yelled, 'Time to get up.'
And eight hours later the echo came back and woke him up!

An engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the next, a black sheep. The engineer says: "What do you know, the sheep in Scotland are black." "Well, some of the sheep in Scotland are black," replies the experimental physicist. The theoretical physicist considers this for a moment and says "Well, at least one of the sheep in Scotland is black." "Well," the philosopher responds, "on one side, anyway."

How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."