Science — worst jokes

How do thunderstorms invest their money?
→ In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets

Why is the moon like a dollar?
→ It has four quarters.

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room. So now he was completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous.

Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted the Head Scientist.

"I am here to report the partial success of the personal invisibility device!"

How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.

What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
→ A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in 1 hour to pick them up."
A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked.
"Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No I didn't," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another:
"Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"
"Well, for four very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, third there are some things even a rat won't do, and fourth sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit?
→ So he could tell the time at night!

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling.
"It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"