Redneck Jokes — worst jokes

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
→ Kick his sister in the jaw.

You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women!

You know you're a redneck if you do all of your Christmas shopping at a truck stop!

A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.

"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

3 million people, 15 last names.

Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The operator promised to send someone out immediately and asked him where he lived.

"Right at the end of," Billy Bob replied.

"Could you spell that for me please?" the operator asked.

After a very lengthy pause Billy Bob said, "How 'bout I just drag her on over to Pine Street and y'all can pick her up there?"

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I.D. him.

Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll 'im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba."

Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over," said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba."

"How can you tell?" asked the mortician.

"Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe.

"Two assholes? That's impossible!" said the mortician.

"Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two assholes!"

What's the best pick up line in any state below the Mason-Dixon line?
→ Get in the truck!

Never squat with yer spurs on.
There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Finally, never miss a good chance to shut up.

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

- Ever have an accident?

- Nope, nary a one.

- None? You've never had any accidents.

- Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.

- Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?

- Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.