Redneck Jokes — best jokes

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.

- I know that smart aleck Tex - said the first.

- He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.

- Not Tex - the second cowboy replied.

- He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello.

- I know Tex better than either of you - said the third.

- He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now.

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted:

- Audi, partners!

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?
→ "Hey ya'll. Watch this!"

Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar.

- Let's get out of here! - said Sauer.

- Go on, if'n you want to - said the other redneck - But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!

- Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town?

- Native: We don't have one. You strangers can't get out of here fast enough for us.

For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him:

- W'atcha do with the money, son?

- Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy! - answered the boy.

- Yew dumb ignoramous! - yelled his father.

- Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!

- A rifle? What fer?

- Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife - explained the older redneck.

- W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?

Kelso met Hensley on the street.

- Hey! - said Kelso.

- how come I never hear from you? Why don't you call me on the telephone?

- You ain't got no tellyphone! - said Hensley.

- I know, - said Kelso.

- But you do!

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery.

- What's the matter? - asked Moody.

- Are you in trouble?

- No! - said Crumm.

- What do you want, then?

- Nothing!

- Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night? - asked Moody.

- Cause! - said the other redneck.

- the rates is cheaper!

The phone in Rigby's Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said:

- This is long distance from Chicago.

- I knowed it's a long distance from Chicago! - answered the farmer.

- How come you called to tell me that?

- Mah son's real smart! - crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance.

- He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!

- What's his name? - asked the friend.

- Bob.

- Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?

- Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?