Redneck Jokes — best jokes

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.

"I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?
→ "Hey ya'll. Watch this!"

Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar.

"Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.

"Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck. "But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"

- Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town?

- Native: We don't have one. You strangers can't get out of here fast enough for us.

For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?"

"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy.

"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!"

"A rifle? What fer?"

"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck.

"W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"

Kelso met Hensley on the street. "Hey!" said Kelso, "how come I never hear from you? Why don't you call me on the telephone?"

"You ain't got no tellyphone!" said Hensley.

"I know," said Kelso. "But you do!"

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery.

"What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?"

"No!" said Crumm.

"What do you want, then?"

"Nothing!"

"Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody.

"Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates is cheaper!"

The phone in Rigby's Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, "This is long distance from Chicago."

"I knowed it's a long distance from Chicago!" answered the farmer. "How come you called to tell me that?"

"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

"Bob."

- Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?

- Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?