Medicine — worst jokes

Answering Machine Recording: "You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......

Now press the other one."

The doctor said to the housewife, "I've got good news and I've got bad news.

"The good news is you don't have PMS.

"The bad news is - you're a bitch!"

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
→ Lipstick.

Why did the woman with P.M.S. cross the road?
→ She just did, alright!!

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

What's the difference between women and men?
→ One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.

What do you get if you put your hand down a psychic's pants?
→ Your palm red once a month.

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.

Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.

"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.

Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?", the other two enquire.

"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately.

All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?" ask the other two..

"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.

Why do women get PMS?
→ THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?