Golf Jokes — worst jokes

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf?
→ Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.

What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport?
→ Miniature golf!

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
→ A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis." The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said "That was excellent! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."

What do you call a blonde that can suck a golfball through a water hose?
→ Sweetheart!

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.

The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"
"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."

The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.

The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asks the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.
"That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the crate!"

What did the dentist say to the golfer?
→ "You have a hole in one."

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar.

Hawk said, "I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."

Tom looked at him, amazed. "Breaking 60? That's amazing!"

Hawk smiled and said, "Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"

Who can beat any burger at golf?
→ Any LINKS sausage!