Food Jokes — worst jokes

Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!

- Who made this Christmas pudding?

- Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.

- What did he use to make it?

- Elf-raising flour, of course.

- Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!

- Have you tried playing squash?

What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?
→ Grave-y!

Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
→ Your teeth!

What bird has wings but cannot fly?
→ Roast turkey!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
→ The turkey - he's always stuffed!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating a bag of chocolates. An old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won't live very long; indignantly the kid says, "Oh yeah, my grandfather lived to be 104 years old."

The old man replies, "I'm sure he did, kid, but it wasn't from eating all that chocolate."

"Oh no sir," says the kid, "it was by minding his own business!"

Why was the cat so small?
→ Because it only ate condensed milk!