Food Jokes — best jokes

- Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?

- 1st customer: I'll have tea.

- 2nd customer: Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!

(Waiter exits, returns)

- Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?

- Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

- Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it.

"Two dogs, please," said one.

The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad?
→ It became a daddy short legs!

How do you make a butterfly?
→ Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife!

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...

Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.

Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?
→ In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor.
Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!"

Is it good to drink witch's brew?
→ Yes, it's very newt tricious!

How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
→ She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright!

'Owl be seeing you later.'