Random joke from this category
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.
One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it.
It was far out of reach.
A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.
"Oh, thank you!" said the elephant.
"My, pleasure ma'am." said the sparrow.
"Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there's anything I can ever do for you, don't hesitate to ask."
The sparrow said, "Well, all my life I wondered how it would feel to fuck an elephant."
"Be my guest!", said the elephant.
So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking. In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became very excited. He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on the head.
"OUCH!", said the elephant.
Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I hurting you, dear?"
Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
→ Because they can.
Why does a dog lick his balls?
→ Because he can't make a fist.
A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.
"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie style."
"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."
"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."
What's the worst thing about washing your cat?
→ Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.
My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult time achieving an orgasm.
The Dr said "which position do you use?"
"Doggy style," said dumb shit.
"why don't you go home and tonight try it missionary position and see if that works any better." said the Dr.
"We've tryed that" he said, "but my dogs got such baaadddd breath!"
A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, "Man, I sure wish I could do that." The dog owner says, "Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first."
Here's a sad one...
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?
→ A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.
