Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the station on his first trip he kept repeating to himself, "Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he memorized it letter perfect. Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.

"Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

How do you catch an elephant?
→ First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!

What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
→ The Elephants foreskin.

A double whammy:

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
→ So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
→ A Monkey eating cherries.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorilla's cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?" she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
→ Sparky

What's the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
→ If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?
→ Sparky

What do you call a dog with no legs?
→ Hehe...it doen't matter, it's not going to come anyway!

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow shit and dives down toward her.

"Pardon me" he asks, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"