Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

How can you tell if your girlfriend is frigid?
→ When you open her legs the lights go on.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
→ Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

What is a yankee?
→ A quickie, but you do it yourself.

What two things in the air will get a woman pregnant?
→ Her legs.

What is the similarity between a woman and a washing machine?
→ They both leak when they're fucked!

Which of the following doesn't belong?

- (a) meat

- (b) eggs

- (c) wife

- (d) blow job

(D) A blowjob, because it's possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

How do you re-sleeve a prostitute?
→ Put a leg of ham up her snatch and pull the bone out.

Why do bankers make great lovers?
→ They know the penalty for early withdrawal.

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down.

- My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed - she said.

- What a coincidence! My wife just left me - said the man. She told me that I was too kinky for her, too!

The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex.

When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says:

- Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable.

She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit.

However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door.

- What happened? - she said. I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?

He looks at her and says:

- Well, I just screwed your dog and shit in your purse. I'm done.

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.

- I can't help feeling that we've met before - he said.

- Yeah, I know - sighed the girl, stretching. It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'.