Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says:

- Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone.

So she plays it while he screws her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says:

- Let's stop up and see that guy.

The other girl says:

- Gee... do you think he'd remember us?

Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench.

The town flasher comes by and shows them his ALL!

The first little old lady had a huge stroke. The second little old lady had a little stroke. The third little old lady would have had a stroke................ but her arms weren't quite long enough.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
→ Because men keep telling them that this |<---------------------->| is 12 inches.

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.

Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.

The official explains:

- No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'.

- Doesn't matter - the tourist answers.

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.

After a few minutes he turns to her and says:

- Can I smell your pussy?

The woman looks at him in disgust and says:

- Certainly not!

- Hmmm - he replies.

- It must be your feet, then.

There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch.

The first woman said:

- My husband can get his whole hand up me.

The second lady said:

- My husband can get his whole head up me.

The third lady slid down the bar stool.

What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
→ Full.

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head:

- No. A clerk came over and asked:

- May I help you?

- I don't know - said the woman.

- Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?

Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.

After six times she was screaming for more. After the eighth time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.

On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".

After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said:

- Look, it's ok. She's not here!