Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way?"

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary:

- Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions.

Mary gasped and said in a huff:

- Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!

She sat down, red-faced.

- Susan, can you tell me the answer? - asked Mr. Baldwin.

- The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions - said Susan.

- Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!

The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"

Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teachersingled him out.

- If I gave you $20 - the teacher began, and you gave $5 to Mary,$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?

- An orgy - Johnny answered.

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have.

He says:

- A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.

One student stands up and says:

- Professor, either you don't know how to fuck, or I don't know how to shit.

Special High Intensity TeachingMemo to all students:In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivityFrom students, it will be our policy to keep all students welltaught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilledat seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTALEDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a jobteaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDINGLECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management andconsultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIALOPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This courseemphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OFTEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,BOSS IN GENERALSPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
→ Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam.

The first man waded out to her and said:

- Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?

She replied:

- no sir! So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked:

- Did you like that?

- Oh, indeed I did, sir! - she replied.

The second man went out to her and asked:

- Mermaid, have you ever had your breasts fondled?

- No sir - she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then asked:

- How did you like that?

- It was most pleasurable, sir. - she replied.

The third fellow approached and asked:

- Mermaid, have you ever been fucked?

- No sir - she replied. He said:

- Well you have been now--the tide's gone out!

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said:

- Implants?

A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she had also castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given a vicar a hair lip.

And, there were still 5 shaves left!