Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night." So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says:

- To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him.

This fella goes to the doctor and says:

- Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?

The doctor said:

- put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says:

- Drop your pants.

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on. The man then says:

- Doctor it's worked!! What was that?

The doctor replies:

- Lipstick remover

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times. Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky. All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

- Whats wrong? - asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out". "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl. "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. - No - replied the boy - I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says:

- You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

- One day - he begins - I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said:

- Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said:

- You now have 3 wishes.

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said:

- I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked:

- What will be your second wish?

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear:

- You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?

I looked at her and replied:

- How about a little head?

Why do women talk more than men, and why are men smarter than women?
→ Because women have four lips and men have two heads!

A guy is walking along the beach and he stumbles on a Genie Bottle.

He rubs it and out pop two Genies. He makes three wishes. When he gets home, he hears a knock on the door and outside there are 20 beautiful naked women. Walking back inside he sees a briefcase sitting on his coffee table. Opening it he see $20 million dollars.

- Wow, my first two wishes have come true! - he yells.

He gets ready to do his thing with the women when he hears another knock on the door. When he opens the door there are two Ku Klux Klan guys.

First, they beat him up, then they tar and feather him. Next, they take him out back and lynch him. When the KKK guys are sure he is dead, they take their hoods off to reveal the two Genies!

The first Genie turns to the second and says:

- You know, I can understand his first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?

Howard Dean's wife held a press conference today where she announced that until the election is over she will shave off all her pubic hair and sit on stage with husband Howard, and wearing no panties.

Astounded reporters asked what the message was, to which she replied:

- Read my lips. No more Bush

Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O.J. Simpson such bad golfers?
→ Monica is a hooker, O.J. is a slicer and Bill doesn't know what hole to put it in.

There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.

She called it Harrybutt.

She had a child and named in Crack.

She lost Crack and couldn't find him.

So she called the police and said:

- I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn't find my crack!

1. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
2. How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
3. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
4. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
5. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
6. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
7. What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.
8. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic.
9. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
10. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut.
11. Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.
12. The three words most hated by men during sex: "Are you in?"
13. The three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey, I'm home!"
14. Why do men take showers instead of baths? Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
15. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.