Children — worst jokes

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinkshis babysitter is gay.

"Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?" says mom.

Timmy replies, "Because his dick tasted like shit!"

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, "We're learning about sexual education." She smiled, and said, "At least he's learning something usefull." Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy's mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. She opens his door and sees him jerking off. She says, "Billy, when you're done with your homework, supper's on the table."

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed theDeclaration of Independence?" He said, "Damn if I know." She was a littleput out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring hisfather with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son,sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quizand finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Whosigned the Declaration of Independence?" "Well, hell, teacher," Johnnysaid, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back,pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed thatdamn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"

Sent by Kelly

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blankfaces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for thepeople, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", saidMartinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.

Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history thanyou do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to theteacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If yousay anything else, I'll kill you." Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit toChandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003."

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about anurgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to theyoungster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

Yes," came the answer."

May I talk with her?

"Again the small voice whispered, "No.

"Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left homealone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the personwho should be there watching over the child."

Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child."

Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman.

"Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the bossasked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child."

Busy doing what?" asked the boss."

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whisperedanswer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like ahelicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "Whatis that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice."

What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice, the child answered, "The search teamjust landed the hello-copper.

"Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the bossasked, "What are they searching for?

"Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffledgiggle, "Me."

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.