Blonde Jokes — worst jokes

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
→ There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
→ There's writing on the white-out.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
→ She has a checkbook.

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent to a blonde?
→ There is a stamp on it.

How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
→ By the buckle print on her forehead.

How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
→ He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
→ She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
→ "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
→ By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
→ You only have to punch information into a computer once.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
→ You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

What did the blonde think of the new computer?
→ She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
→ (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

How do you kill a blonde?
→ Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
→ They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Why don't blondes make Jello?
→ They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little boxes.

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
→ All you can eat, under a buck.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
→ Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
→ They can't find the zipper.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
→ "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
→ They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
→ Lipstick.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
→ Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
→ Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ They chip their teeth.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.

Why do blondes wear panties?
→ They make good ankle warmers.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!

What do blondes do for foreplay?
→ Remove their underwear.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm sooo drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of the brunette?
→ "All the blondes have gone home!"

What's a brunette's mating call?
→ Has that blonde gone yet?

What's the mating call of the redhead?
→ "Next!"

Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
→ Because they can spell it.

What is 74 to a blonde?
→ 69 plus G.S.T.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
→ Toes go in first.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
→ Tits go in front.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
→ "Have another beer."

What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
→ Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
→ Introduces themself.
→ Walks home.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilised.

How does a blonde like her eggs?
→ Unfertilised.

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
→ Opens the car door.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
→ Locking the car door.

How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
→ Kick open the car door.

Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when she got her driver's license?
→ The instructor gave her an "F" in sex.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
→ More head room.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
→ More leg room.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
→ A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
→ In case she locks the keys in her car.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
→ It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
→ To turn the blinker off.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
→ An Air Bag.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
→ Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
→ She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
→ Bucket seats.

What do Blondes say after sex?
→ Thanks Guys.
→ Are you boys all in the same band/team?
→ Do you guys all play for the Rams?

What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
→ Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
→ 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
→ 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
→ Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
→ Who cares?

Why do blonds have orgasms?
→ So they know when to stop having sex!

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
→ She drops her nail-file!!!
→ Who cares?
→ She say 'Next'
→ The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
→ He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
→ The batteries have run out.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
→ They can't remember the number.
→ She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
→ "Thanks for the refill!"

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
→ Data transfer.

Why do blondes have more fun?
→ Because they don't know any better.
→ They are easier to keep amused.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ "What's a lightbulb?"
→ One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
→ Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

What's a blonde's favourite wine?
→ "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
→ A whine cellar.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
→ Both have a cockpit.

What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
→ Not everyone has been in a 747

What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
→ Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
→ "Are you sure it's mine?"

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
→ Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
→ Run like hell cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

How do blondes get pregnant?
→ And you thought blondes were dumb.

What will she ask you?
→ "Is it mine?"

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
→ The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
→ To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
→ Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why do Blondes take the pill?
→ So they know what day of the week it is.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
→ Because it kept falling out.

But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.

Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
→ Because her boyfriend was also blond!

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
→ The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
→ Her IQ goes up!

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
→ A blonde parade.

Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
→ You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
→ Butter is difficult to spread.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
→ You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
→ There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.

What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
→ They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
→ Bigfoot has been spotted.

What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
→ It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy?
→ The blonde has the higher sperm count.

What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
→ Not everybody has been in a limo.

What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
→ One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
→ You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
→ Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
→ You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?
→ The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?
→ One's a busy ditch.

What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
→ A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
→ In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
→ Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
→ They both get easier to pick-up with age.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
→ The cow fell on her.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
→ The more you bang it the looser it gets.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.

What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
→ They both have black roots.

What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
→ Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
→ So she could lip read.

How do you drown a blond?
→ Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

How do you drown a blonde?
→ Don't tell her to swallow.

Why did the blonde chick drown in the pool?
→ Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
→ Too many blondes were drowning.

Why do blonds have square boobs?
→ Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
→ 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
→ Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
→ The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proofreading.

Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
→ For throwing out the W's.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
→ The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
→ They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date?
→ If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

What's the Blonde's cheer?
→ "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
→ She kept having affairs with men!

What does a blonde owl say?
→ What, what?

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
→ She threw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde kill a fish?
→ She drowns it.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
→ Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
→ "Nice tits!"

How does a blonde high-5?
→ She smacks herself in the forehead.

161. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
     → Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
162. Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
     → Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
163. Why do blondes have legs?
     → So they don't get stuck to the ground.
     → To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
     → So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
164. Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
     → It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
165. What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
     → The Blonde!
166. How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
     → Flattered.
167. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
     → They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.
168. Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the Drive Inn Theater?
     → They went to see "Closed for the Season"
169. What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
     → 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
170. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
     → An interpreter.
171. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
     → A mental block.
172. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
     → A wind tunnel.
173. What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?
     → An air mattress.
174. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
     → A dope ring.
175. What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head?
     → Sweet Fuck All...
176. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
     → Frosted Flakes.
177. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     → Air bubbles.
178. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
     → Frosted Flakes.
179. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
     → Last year's hide-and-seek champ.
180. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
     → A Space Invader.

181. What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
     → Branch Manager.
182. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
     → She fell out of the tree.
183. How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
     → Wave at her.
184. What do you call a smart blond?
     → A golden retriever.
185. How do you check a blonde's IQ?
     → With a tire gauge.
186. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
     → A 69 interrupted by a period.
187. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
     → "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
188. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
     → They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
189. Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow?
     → So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
     → So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
190. Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
     → Because the can't even keep two calves together!
191. Why don't blonds breast feed?
     → Because they always burn their nipples.
192. How did the blonde burn her nose?
     → Bobbing for french fries.
193. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
     → To cover up the valve stem.
194. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
     → Spot.
195. What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
     → Air Supply.
196. What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
     → The back of her head.
197. Why do blondes drive VW's?
     → Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
198. How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
     → Tell them a joke on Friday night!
199. Why did God create blondes?
     → Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
200. Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
     → So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
     → So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.