Blonde Jokes — worst jokes

201. What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
     → A blond electrician
202. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
     → So brunettes can remember them.
     → Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
203. Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde????
     → She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
204. Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
     → Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
205. What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
     → A thought.
206. Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
     → Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
207. Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
     → She realized she gave her last blowjob.
208. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
     → She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
209. Why did they call the blond twinkie?
     → She liked to be filled with cream.
210. What did the blonde do when she got her period?
     → Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
211. Why do blondes have periods?
     → They deserve them
212. What did the blonde say to the physicist?
     → "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
213. Why are blondes like cornflakes?
     → Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
214. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
     → You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
215. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
     → Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
216. How does a blonde hold her liquor?
     → By the ears.
217. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
     → Change.
218. How does a blonde moonwalk?
     → She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
219. What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
     → A brain tumor.
220. Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
     → Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
     → Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
222. Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.
     On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."
227. A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
     Cop: Do you know where you were going?
     Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
228. A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
     "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it."
     "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?"
     "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
     "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
229. Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady.
     Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.
230. A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
     Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!
     Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
     Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
     Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
     Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
     Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
     Blonde: Yes.
     Operator: The power in the house in on?
     Blonde: Of course.
     Operator: And the switch is on?
     Blonde: Yes, yes.
     Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
     Blonde: No, it's working fine.
     Operator: Then what's the problem?
     Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.
233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
234. This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
235. Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
236. The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
237. A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter. Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
238. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
     Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
     Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
239. Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
240. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender...

- Brunette: I'll have a B and C.

- Bartender: What is a B and C?

- Brunette: Bourbon and Coke.

- Redhead: And, I'll have a G and T.

- Bartender: What's a G and T?

- Redhead: Gin and tonic.

- Blonde: I'll have a 15.

- Bartender: What's a 15?

- Blonde: 7 and 7

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble." The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?

OK, there's a smart blonde, a brunette, and Santa Claus on top of the Empire State Building. If they all jump off at the same time, who will hit the ground first?
→ The brunette, because the other two don't exist!

- Person: Are you a democrat or a republican?

- Blonde: Oh, I'm an American.

There were once 3 blondes on an island, but they couldn't find a way off. But while searching, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out.

"I will grant you each a wish," he said. "Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try."

"I want to be the world's best swimmer" one said, "so can swim off of the island". She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

"I want to be a bird" one said, and flew away immediately.

The 3rd, and last one thought for a while. "I want to be a man. Maybe that would help." She was instantly transformed into a man, then walked across the bridge to the mainland, where she joined her two friends.

If a Blonde and a Brunette jump off a cliff at the same time, which one gets to the ground first?
→ The brunette... the blonde has to stop and ask for directions!