Animal Jokes — worst jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Bugs Barbie ...buck teeth, long ears

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

King Kong Barbie ...six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Godzilla Barbie ...six foot tall lizard with Barbie head

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Lion Tamer Barbie ...lion is included; Barbie's head is not

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Werewolf Barbie ...normal doll, except under a full moon

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Tasmanian Barbie ...spins like a top!

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever.

- Hey - says the bartender, No dogs allowed in the bar.

- Oh please? - begs the customer.

- You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals.

- You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar - says the bartender.

- No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!

Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded.

- That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though....if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?

- I don't know - confesses the owner, I've only had him for five years.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said:

- Who owns the big white horse outside?

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said:

- I do. Why?

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said:

- I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said:

- Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.

Tonto said:

- Sure Kemosabe - and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces:

- Who owns that big white horse outside?

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims:

- I do. What is wrong with him this time?

The cowboy says to him:

- Nothing much, I just wanted you to know............ you left your Injun running!!!

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says:

- Do you know your monkey stole my beer.

The pianist replies:

- No, but if you hum it, I'll play it.

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked:

- What do you have in there, pal?

- A mongoose.

- What for?

- Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection.

- But - the friend said - you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.

- That's okay - said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box.

- So is the mongoose.