Animal Jokes — worst jokes

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks:

- Dad, am I pure polar bear? - The dad replies - Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks:

- Mom, am I pure polar bear? - She answers - Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks:

- Grandmom... Grandpop... am I all polar bear? - His grandmother answers - Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?

The baby polar bears replies:

- Because I'm f****** freezing!

Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk.
Whose baby was it?
→ The elephant's!

What is a baby bee?
→ A little humbug.

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball?
→ A bouncing baby boa.

What do baby pythons play with?
→ Rattle-snakes.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?
→ Stop crying and viper your nose.

If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
→ Slippers!

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
→ Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.

The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a banana.

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom:

- Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water.

- Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below? - asks a little old lady, terrified.

- Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs.

- And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more? - asks the little lady.

- Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much.