This guy comes home from work and when he walks into his bedroom, he finds his wife in bed with 3 other men that he works with.
He says "hello hello hello"And the wife says "what, aren't you talking to me!"
Why do black men not go square dancing?
Every time some one yells "hoe down", they turn to see if their sister got shot!
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
The Top Ten Things Men Know About Women:10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1(ATTENTION... if you don't get it, seek help fast :)
Yo mama's like...- Yo mama's like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle...four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine...five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food...sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's like a 747, she has a very large cockpit. - Yo mama's like a microwave, one button and she's hot. - Yo mama's like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off. - Yo mama's like a mail box, open day and night. - Yo mama's like a bag of potato chips, "Free-To-Lay." - Yo mama's like a turtle, once she's on her back she's fucked. - Yo mama's like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter. - Yo mama's like cheap liquor, tastes like shit. - Yo mama's like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port. - Yo mama's like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long. - Yo mama's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her. - Yo mama's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn. - Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing. - Yo mama's like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all. - Yo mama's like Pizza Hut, if she isn't there in 30 minutes... it's free. - Yo mama's like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country. - Yo mama's like a carpenter's dream, flat as a board and easy to nail. - Yo mama's like a gas station... you gotta pay before you pump. - Yo mama's like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods. - Yo mama's like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on. - Yo mama's like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up. - Yo mama's like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away. - Yo mama's like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country. - Yo mama's like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans. - Yo mama's like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers. - Yo mama's like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country. - Yo mama's like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up. - Yo mama's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows. - Yo mama's like a Toyota, "OOooh what a feeling!" - Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... a real good suck. - Yo mama's like a vacuum cleaner... she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet. - Yo mama's like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick. - Yo mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday. - Yo mama's like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her. - Yo mama's like cake mix, 15 servings per package! - Yo mama's like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day. - Yo mama's like Denny's... open 24 hours. - Yo mama's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served. - Yo mama's like McDonalds... What you want is what you get. - Yo mama's like mustard, she spreads easy. - Yo mama's like the Pillsbury dough boy... everybody pokes her. - Yo mama's like lettuce, $1 a head. - Yo mama's like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw. Your momma is so fat... the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs! - Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said "Sorry...
No proffessionals allowed!!!" -Yo momma's so fat, when the lord said - "Let There Be Light", he had to ask her to move over! -Yo mama's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN! -Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,"yes please!" -Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale! -Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World! -Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift! -Yo momma's so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!" Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut. Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon. Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. What happened said the farmer, Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said the farmer if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday.
Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.
