Worst jokes

How do you make a hot dog stand?
→ Steal its chair.

More cool than funny, but...

racecar <===> racecar
drawer <===> reward
repaid <===> diaper
straw <===> warts
evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!]
smug <===> gums
star <===> rats
step <===> pets
step on <===> no pets

- John: I don't know what to buy - a cow or a bicycle.

- Peter: You will look silly riding a cow.

- John: I will look even sillier trying to milk a bicycle.

- Tom: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.

- Jim: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.

- Tom: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!

- Jim: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

I received a letter from my bank the other day, telling me, "This is the last time we're going to spend a quarter to tell you that you have fifteen cents!"

Why did the skeleton burp?
→ Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

How do I know anything really exists?
→ Kick it really hard.

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her:

- How many children do you have?

- Ten - she replied.

- What are their names? - he asked.

- LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy - she answered.

- They're all named LeRoy? - he asked.

- What if you want them to come in from playing outside?

- Oh, that's easy - she said.

- I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in.

- And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?

- I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner' - she answered.

- But what if you just want ONE of them to do something? - he asked.

- Oh, that's easy - she said.

- I just use their last name!

A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions.

They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him.

In due time the guy was dragging himself through the week, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay on the beach one day he saw a dot floating on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am I ever glad to see you!"

"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too" said the raft rider in a swishy way.

With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"

I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if, after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."